Whatever You Think You love

You are mistaken.

What you think you love is actually about yourself.

Which is not a bad thing.

How did I find that out?

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I know how I feel when I listen to a song, say “Closing Time”.

When I listened to it with the person I love sitting next to me, I felt so happy.

I knew this song, from that Justin Timberlake movie with Mila Kunis. I liked it very much in 2013.

Then which I was browsing through my old diary, I saw that I wrote about this song while I was with my ex.

It turns out that this song, to me, was not about anyone. It’s about how I feel at the moment when I was with someone I care about.

It’s always about “me”.

So here you have it.

I’m not saying this is bad or disappointing. It is how it is.

It’s just important to realise this fact about us. About our love for others.

Here I’m only speaking about romantic relationships. Our love with parents and other family members surely works differently.

What you love and how you love reflect how you are.

Loving another soul is the extension of self love. How you love people is how you are choosing to love yourself.

This is a simple but grand fact.

Urgent: Pull Yourself Back On Track

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After practicing mindfulness for a year (I’ve tried different methods to keep myself balanced and focused, this is the only one that stuck with me), I’m finally able to save myself a lot of stress in a anxiety-full situation using meditation technics.

In urgent cases as such, the ability to press the “pause” button is crucial.

But what do you do after you pressed the button?

You breathe. You take 15 min to breathe and feel how anxiety and stress running through my body.

Well, I automatically opened my Calm app to listen to Tamara’s soothing voice.

And I just breathe, breathe, and breathe.

As much as I love Tamara’s voice, I didn’t need her to tell me that “everything is ok.” But everything IS ok — my body knows it, only my mind some times doesn’t.

As I was breathing, my chest was feeling pressed and my breath was heavy.

I felt the weight on my upper body and I was struggling to get rid of that weight.

But as the active act of “observing” the weight, the slowly shifting my attention to my head, face, arms and legs, the weight just disappeared.

Isn’t that magic?

When I realised the weight was gone, my mind was active again. “Wow this is amazing!” She said. “I wonder why. Maybe I can find out by analysing it with logic.”

Then I was annoyed by that thought.

Thankfully, the weight didn’t come back to my chest.

The truth is, while I was doing my mindfulness practice, and meditate, the gross time that I was 100% focused and my mind kept her mouth shut, was much less than that 15 min.

But it still worked like a charm.

I wonder how amazing it would feel if I keep practicing meditation and can go longer than that.

So this is my emergency self-rescue kit.

I was able to pull myself back from free-falling into a depressed blackhole, and to lift the weight on myself, preventing me from dying of short of breath.