Toxic Surroundings? Get The Hell Out

I wanted to put this in my Inspiration Vault at first. But then I was wondering whether I’m really inspired by the toxic vibe I got today from a so-called friend of mine.

I’m still quite upset.

There’s always a spur of moment, where I might feel irritated and even mad. But I’d hold back my will to react immediately. Because I don’t want to do stupid things to hurt others just because I’m emotional.

Well, today I got an very emotional blame in really mean words via LinkedIn message because of a delayed reply (for two days).

It wasn’t the first time I told myself that I need to get out of that friendship.

He was all about soul-sisters and really good friendship love. And he doesn’t deliver.

The worst of all is that he’s over thirty-three now and still behave like a teenager.

Not the good kind of teenager who’s positive and energetic. (I was energetic but not really positive when I was in high school… I was into Linkin Park, so I was a good kid.)

But the worst part of being a teenager: all the emotional drama, the gossip, the love affairs where the ex would stalk him because she’s just so in love with him and she’s also loveable and crazy…

You know what? It’s fine. This kind of crap is not what I like, but I can put up with. But just don’t throw mean words on me with passive aggressiveness because I didn’t have the time to reply your messages.

Communicate. Like an adult does.

(I’m doing more of a “letting things out” than a writing exercise… so no, this is definitely not an inspiration, yet.)

Then it comes to my conclusion: I’m getting out of this. Life is too short to be in any kind of relationship that makes you feel bad for no good reason. (There are good reasons to make yourself feel bad… like when you are learning about something new by making mistakes. Make sense?)

I’ve thought about doing this to end this friendship a few times. Tried, but failed. I think that’s because I didn’t want to end things badly with anyone. I didn’t want to hurt people (even if they’ve hurt me), didn’t like confrontation, and also, didn’t want others to dislike me.

But nothing is worth putting my own mental health in jeopardy.

Handling difficult people, if it’s not really really essential, is a huge waste of emotional energy.

They drain your life out of you, literally.

I need peace and tranquility. So I can recharge my energy.

Anyway. I’m going to go to sleep and waiting for this whole thing to transform into inspiration for me, like all the other negativities always do.

Hope you, who’s reading these words now, are safe, and healthy (both physically and mentally).


Inspiration Vault: Friendship

If you are lucky, like me, you have one or two people in your life who you know that you can always turn to no matter what happens.

We see this type of connection a lot in the movies, TVs, literature… most of media has a huge library of materials depicting how great these friendships are.

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But we should keep in mind: when I talk about friendship, I’m only talking about mine. Because every set of connection is different.

Roses are all under the same name. But not just the fox knows, we all do, that every rose is meaningful and beautiful in his/her own way.

We all want different things out of different relationships. It’s always selfish, really. Friendship especially those developed from our childhood, is the least selfish.

Trust building is much easier when you are a kid/teenager. And trust is built through constant experiential and emotional bonding. That bond is normally strong.

That’s why we all feel more true to ourselves when we are surrounded by our closest friends.

Again, friendship develops all the time in our lives. I’ve made some really great friends along the way.

But what I’m writing about here, is about a friend of mine since I was 16.

Today is her birthday. And she’s in the lab right now, doing test on Covid-19.

She has always been the brave one, wanting to be at the front line changing the world. She works at a university. She wasn’t listed for the job. But she volunteered.

She’s not always the warmest of my friends but she’s always the one with the strangest idea and weirdest humour that matches mine 100%.

When I think of her, my heart is filled with an unexplainable, warm feeling.

And I’m so proud, and wish her well.

This is my best friendship experience. This friendship is an amazing source of inspiration for me and my writing. Because it touches me deeply. Even thinking about it gives me physical reaction of being cared about, and a sense of security.

It is just wonderful.

Who’s your friendship inspiration?

I’d love to hear all about it.