Tag: mothers

The 4th day — Recovery

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It’s the 4th day of the year 2022. I already need to catch up.

Originally I had 1 day buffer on my daily writing. On NYE I used it. Now I’m always feeling behind.

I don’t feel like giving up. And I’m not going to cut myself some slack.

Not only that, but I’m also catching up again to one or two days ahead.

I need some days in the bank in case a NYE situation occurs again.

Today is all about recovery. Recovery of my body after the hard work of carrying the baby and delivering her. And even now, it’s still restlessly nursing her every day.

While I’m immersing myself in the love and happiness, I almost forgot to love my own body for its mine and it has been working so hard.

Its recovery needs time. It needs a lot of awareness and kindness.

I won’t hurry it in order to fit it into my old clothes.

I won’t rush it into doing sport or any intense workouts.

I’m not ashamed of it. Instead, I feel comfortable in my body now even more than before.

I’m nourishing my body as it nourishing my child.

I’m giving it love so it can transfer the love to the little baby.

Only kindness gives the time and space that the post-pregnancy body needs to recover.

Only after recovering can the body to be stronger and healthy again.

So I’m loving it, gently loving this carrier of bravery.

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Mothers in a box

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I want to say this: “I gave birth to my baby a few months ago. But somehow, I don’t see myself as a mother.”

A strange thing to say.

Let me try again.

“I don’t feel like I am a mother…”

Still strange.

If I describe this feeling very literately, it’s like the following:

There’s a certain way I thought all the mothers are supposed to behave and “be”. I believe, subconsciously I used my own mother as a prototype for the content of this box. And all the other mothers, more or less, fit into this category.

They are loving, strong, fearless, sometimes unreasonable, sometimes simple but wise, gentle, strict, controlling, protective…

I know what you are going to say. “But these are just adjectives to describe people. Anyone can be described with one or more of these words.”

But come on, you know what I mean.

They are not just like one or all of the above adjectives.

They are… mothers.

“Mother” is not a cluster of adjectives. It feels like a huge box that contains much more.

But I don’t think I fit into this category. Maybe it’s just how I see myself. Maybe for others, I am already a mother. And I’m right there in that category box with all the other mothers in this world, including my girlfriends whom I’ve known since we were kindergarteners, and the cat I know who just got kittens.

But what if I’m wrong?

What if there’s no such category? Maybe there are just human beings being motherly loving to their children. Yes, they are mothers. But they are still humans. They are humans before the birth of their children, and afterwards they are still the humans as they were before.

What’s added is just their love for their children.

I expected myself now to be more different than before. To my surprise, I haven’t changed much in the last two months.

I still love food, Pablo Naruda and Viola Davis.

I still like to watch people putting on makeups and outfits but not to do that myself.

I still love torturing myself with philosophical questions, self-doubts, and self-induced existential anxieties…

I’m still me.

I have another person in my life for whom I’m responsible for the next 18 years. I have experienced enormous, surreal love for life and this world. I have encountered the version of myself that is extremely brave and strong.

I’ve evolved in some ways. But I am still a human.

I am a mother now.

But I am still me.

And I don’t want to try to fit in a box.

If you have put yourself in that box. Well, get rid of the box.

Mothers Are Taken For Granted, Everywhere

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I’m not exaggerating. They are.

If they show affection to their children, they are “clingy”; if they become strict once in a while, they are being “bitchy”.

If they care for other members, they are “too selfless” and “lost themselves”; if they pursue their career, they are “not nurturing enough to be a mother”.

They get a flower once a year on Mother’s Day. Or twice. One more flower on their birthday. “Thank you, mom!” You say, while you know doing this is “because it’s what people do” other than thanking her.

If your mother is like mine, she’s always there.

She’s there cheering for you if you are doing well.

She’s there calming you down if you are upset.

She’s there cleaning up your mess if you never clean up by yourself.

She’s there hugging you when you, well, simply need a hug.

And more often than not, moms are also kiss-givers.

If yours is not, she might just give you kisses in other ways, like praises, smiles, or good food.

Yes, she’s ALWAYS there.

And that’s it! That’s the reason why it’s easy for you to take her for granted.

BECAUSE she’s always there. She’s like the oxygen in the air. You will for damn sure notice when she’s not there.

She might be controlling. And the only thing you want to do when you are young is to get out of that control.

But you know what? When the control suddenly stops, you don’t feel free.

You feel lost.

So please, stop taking your mom for granted if she’s still there.

Today, right now. It’s not too late.