Inspiration Vault: Selfishness and One’s Own Well-Being

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I’m going to focus on nothing else but my own well-being. The best a mother can give her kid is her own well-being, physically and mentally.

Because that represent a way of living.

Taking responsibility for your own life is the most essential way to live a good life.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish.

Being selfish means ignoring, and therefore, hurting others while solely thinking about one’s own benefit:

“It’s my way or confict.”
“It’s my way or the highway.”

Ignoring or even hurting one’s own well-being “for the sake of others” is the opposite of selflessness.

It usually manifests a narcisistic character. Such character demands everybody else’s recognition and acknowledgement of this character’s “selflessness”. And at the same time, for this person to feel morally superior to “others”.

Taking care of oneself first means you don’t become a burden to anyone else, by needing other people’s help or assistence.

Taking care of oneself is the precondition to be supportive or helpful to other people.

Taking care of oneself first and asking people to take care of themselves — so that it’s fair for everyone from the start. Nobody is in anybody’s debt in the first place.

It’s the lightest and fairest relationship.

Take care of yourself so that you can take care of others, without feeling sorry for yourself and demanding repay from others later.

How to take care of yourself first?

List out every problem in your life that you are thinking about at this moment.
1. I don’t have enough money to…
2. I’m in a terrible relationship with…
3. I cannot achieve my dream to be…

And now ask yourself: How do I feel? How are my physical and mental states? What can I do to improve my physical health and my mental health?

Work on your physical and mental well-being first.

Because, as you can see, only when you are in a good place with your physical and mental health, can you solve or even begin to tackle the problems you listed above.

This is the ultimate prioritization.

We all live in the same world. But in fact, we operate seperately in our own worlds — with our own body and using our own mind, while guided and influenced by our own spirituality or belief.

In this analogy, our body and mind are the sole fundamentals of our own world in which we operate. If the fudamentals are problematic and unstable, so are the operations within this world — your career, relationships, love life, dreams and hopes…

This ultimate prioritization is not selfish.

It’s the very important, should-not-be-missed construction and regular maintanace of the world we are living in.

It’s not a basic human right to do so.

It’s a basic human responsibility.


Toxic Surroundings? Get The Hell Out

I wanted to put this in my Inspiration Vault at first. But then I was wondering whether I’m really inspired by the toxic vibe I got today from a so-called friend of mine.

I’m still quite upset.

There’s always a spur of moment, where I might feel irritated and even mad. But I’d hold back my will to react immediately. Because I don’t want to do stupid things to hurt others just because I’m emotional.

Well, today I got an very emotional blame in really mean words via LinkedIn message because of a delayed reply (for two days).

It wasn’t the first time I told myself that I need to get out of that friendship.

He was all about soul-sisters and really good friendship love. And he doesn’t deliver.

The worst of all is that he’s over thirty-three now and still behave like a teenager.

Not the good kind of teenager who’s positive and energetic. (I was energetic but not really positive when I was in high school… I was into Linkin Park, so I was a good kid.)

But the worst part of being a teenager: all the emotional drama, the gossip, the love affairs where the ex would stalk him because she’s just so in love with him and she’s also loveable and crazy…

You know what? It’s fine. This kind of crap is not what I like, but I can put up with. But just don’t throw mean words on me with passive aggressiveness because I didn’t have the time to reply your messages.

Communicate. Like an adult does.

(I’m doing more of a “letting things out” than a writing exercise… so no, this is definitely not an inspiration, yet.)

Then it comes to my conclusion: I’m getting out of this. Life is too short to be in any kind of relationship that makes you feel bad for no good reason. (There are good reasons to make yourself feel bad… like when you are learning about something new by making mistakes. Make sense?)

I’ve thought about doing this to end this friendship a few times. Tried, but failed. I think that’s because I didn’t want to end things badly with anyone. I didn’t want to hurt people (even if they’ve hurt me), didn’t like confrontation, and also, didn’t want others to dislike me.

But nothing is worth putting my own mental health in jeopardy.

Handling difficult people, if it’s not really really essential, is a huge waste of emotional energy.

They drain your life out of you, literally.

I need peace and tranquility. So I can recharge my energy.

Anyway. I’m going to go to sleep and waiting for this whole thing to transform into inspiration for me, like all the other negativities always do.

Hope you, who’s reading these words now, are safe, and healthy (both physically and mentally).

Urgent: Pull Yourself Back On Track

Photo by Valeriia Bugaiova on Unsplash

After practicing mindfulness for a year (I’ve tried different methods to keep myself balanced and focused, this is the only one that stuck with me), I’m finally able to save myself a lot of stress in a anxiety-full situation using meditation technics.

In urgent cases as such, the ability to press the “pause” button is crucial.

But what do you do after you pressed the button?

You breathe. You take 15 min to breathe and feel how anxiety and stress running through my body.

Well, I automatically opened my Calm app to listen to Tamara’s soothing voice.

And I just breathe, breathe, and breathe.

As much as I love Tamara’s voice, I didn’t need her to tell me that “everything is ok.” But everything IS ok — my body knows it, only my mind some times doesn’t.

As I was breathing, my chest was feeling pressed and my breath was heavy.

I felt the weight on my upper body and I was struggling to get rid of that weight.

But as the active act of “observing” the weight, the slowly shifting my attention to my head, face, arms and legs, the weight just disappeared.

Isn’t that magic?

When I realised the weight was gone, my mind was active again. “Wow this is amazing!” She said. “I wonder why. Maybe I can find out by analysing it with logic.”

Then I was annoyed by that thought.

Thankfully, the weight didn’t come back to my chest.

The truth is, while I was doing my mindfulness practice, and meditate, the gross time that I was 100% focused and my mind kept her mouth shut, was much less than that 15 min.

But it still worked like a charm.

I wonder how amazing it would feel if I keep practicing meditation and can go longer than that.

So this is my emergency self-rescue kit.

I was able to pull myself back from free-falling into a depressed blackhole, and to lift the weight on myself, preventing me from dying of short of breath.