It was so easy for me to be the best at something.
…When I was in elementary school.
I wonder why.
I was bolder than I am now. That’s for sure.
I was confident so I could be bold. What made me so confident?
The answer is that I was a believer, in almost everything in my life. My school, teachers, friends, my families. I was never disappointed or discouraged.
That might have been a blind confidence. But it was useful. And frankly, quite effective. I was in fact very good at almost all the things I did. I was very resourceful and creative.
And I was proud.
Then puberty hit. Well, well, well… the time I suddenly noticed other voices, other eyes, other people’s facial expressions…
And then I was challenged in the things I had faith in. “So what I thought was true… wasn’t.” Another chance for me to say “New things to try? No, thanks. I don’t want to believe in anything ever again. And I’d rather stay in my shell and never come back!”
That was also the time when I started to read Horoscopes. Thank you, description of the Cancer sign! You made me believe that I had a shell where I was entitled to retrieve back into so I could hide away from everybody else!
How messy was that? …
Now I just want to believe in myself again. It’s my entitled right to start trying again.
To find my courage to be creative again.