A question I’ve been thinking a lot lately.

How people generally consider someone who has a ‘strong inner core’ is when a person

• Knows exactly what they want.
• Doesn’t care much about what other people think.
• Doesn’t question their decisions.
• Can withstand rejection without falling apart.
• Has an almost unshakeable belief in their abilities.
• Never wonders whether they’re wasting their time.

You might have seen such people. Either in life, but nowadays more on social media or urban legends.

As someone who battles with self-doubt constantly, I can’t help but wonder, if such people are really so sure of themselves, all the time — if they are, are they so certain because it’s their strength, or a sign of their ignorance?

Let’s say it’s the strength of some of them (which I would really love to learn from), is it more innate or is it developable?

Do you know someone who has such a strong inner core — a steady sense of self — can you tell me about them?

My grandpa has appeared to be a person with more secure temperament. Dependable, stable, focused. And also, stubborn. But only when I got to know him more as an adult did I realise his doubts and how he deals with them. He makes decisions and takes the consequences without complaining.

But it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have inner struggles, even when he’s the most inner-stable person I’ve ever met. He has never told me about what he’s holding within himself, but I know he’s accepting of himself, as long as he did what he could have done.

The most self-doubt I’m struggling with is whether I’m good enough in the things I’m working on. But I have always forgotten, that self-doubt is spiraling downward:

I’m not good enough in doing it,

then what’s the point wasting my time?

I should have used the time I’ve wasted in pursuing this dream that I am unable to afford,

so I’ve failed at that too.

There goes into the pit — self value.

And no way back up from there.

I’ve always chosen the ways in which success, even successful results, are not guaranteed. That life choice has been done, and here comes the catch, the consequences. Learning from my grandpa, I will need to accept it and move forward no matter how.

No matter how.

But how?

First. Grounding.

I’m safe. I will survive.

Without feedback, without money, without anything else.

I’m still here.

And I don’t want to give up, even though I can.

Then, specifying the doubts.

I’m doing, and I’m learning. At the same time.

Maybe I’m not good enough, but I’m getting better with learning and doing.

And I have been doing — doubt about NOW cannot deny the past achievements which are the proof of I’m good enough to achieve them.

What if I trust myself?

Because self-trust is the first step to a strong inner core.

And the self-trust is evidence-based: I’ve come so far, even with so much uncertainty about myself.

Everyone falls into the pit. When you don’t want to quit, you pick yourself up eventually. It can take a long time, or a short one. But it starts with self-trust that it’s okay to keep going.

So perhaps a strong inner core is to be learnt, gained, and trained. And it doesn’t mean you have to be certain as a stone.

Perhaps a strong inner core means making choices, putting in the effort, accepting the consequences and letting go.

Perhaps a strong inner core requires — most important of all — a bit more kindness and trust in ourselves,

so that we feel safe to venture, create, and live.